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Posts Tagged ‘break up’

Breaking up is hard to do. For days, weeks, months and even years, the pain of a failed relationship will plague you. Consciously or not, the tendency is to do a post-mortem of what-has-been as well as pining for what-could-still-be. And while the pain lingers, you need to understand that you can survive a break up. All you need is the right perspective to get over it, move on and move forward.

If you are looking for the latest relationship advice on how to get through such painful break ups, here is a (partial) list of books that might interest you. These books – written by noted psychologists and authors and the so-called ‘bad boys-come celebrities – can help lighten your love burden and inspire you to take another chance at love and romance.

One of the books that can help you improve your outlook about the L word is Dr. Phil McGraw’s “Love Smart: Find The One You Want – Fix The One You Got.” In this book, Dr. Phil provides tips on how to keep your relationship out of a rut. True to his direct, in-your-face, style, Dr. Phil tells is as it – no mincing of words, no sugar-coated promises of better days ahead.

In the book, Dr. Phil encourages women to set the bar or a profile of what they think is the ideal guy. And once we have that in mind, he tells us to look for that quality in the persons we date and not to settle for anything else. More importantly, Dr. Phil reminds us that if we want to find the right one, we first need to know what it is we want. Easier said than done, right? Well, sure. But once we have done that, then finding the right one may not be that hard a task.

Another interesting book to read while recuperating from a break up is “The Breakup Repair Kit: How to Heal Your Broken Heart.” Written by Marni Kamins and Janice MacLeod, the book can be best summed up as a breakup encyclopedia. It details eight stages of healing after the breakup and how we can survive all these stages. And because depression is a common stage after breakups, the book also provides ways on how to detect and overcome it.

One of the more famous books about breakups is the one involving Bridget Jones. In this novel by Helen Fielding, Bridget Jones – a thirty-something singe working woman living in London – writes about her career, self-image, vices, family, friends and romantic relationships. She writes about her painful breakup with her boss and how she was able to find the relationship she needs in the person of Mark Darcy.

If you are the business-minded type who prefers to talk about relationships as deals, then Deal Breakers may just be the book you need. The author, Dr. Bethany Marshall, explains that the term deal breaker is the “one non-negotiable term that, if agreed to, means the deal is off.” In the world of relationships, Dr. Marshall opines that identifying your deal breaker has a lot of advantages as it holds out the promise of helping you understand why the relationship ended, where it went wrong and what you need to do to avoid making the same mistakes.

There are many more books to choose from but when reading through them, you have to understand the importance of putting all you have learned into action. It will be hard in the beginning but the rewards are promising.

I travel by bus everyday and I hear a lot of one-sided conversations! This time it was a obviously very upset young man talking to someone about:

“Yeah there I was…just got through my finals… going to job interviews,calling my girlfriend to keep her up to date on how things were progressing… describing the interviews in the evening.

Yes, we moved in together a couple of months before the baby was due… she was so excited about the new apartment and we were both gaga over our new baby girl …

So what happened? I’ll tell you what happened…she went crazy on me…I drove up to the apartment parking lot to bring her some things from the store… no I asked her to come down to the parking lot because I had just time enough to get to an appointment and all hell broke loose.

She made such a scene that the apartment manager called the cops …what a mess… I don’t want us to break up.

She was screaming that I don’t care about her… I don’t care about our baby…I don’t care about our relationship… she’s through with me, all I care about is myself, all she has to listen to is me talking about my last interview, my next interview and how great they all think I am.

I don’t care about her, I don’t care how she’s feeling.

Man I think she’s through with me … Yeah we went to stay with her mother… I don’t know what I’m going to do.

We’ve been going together all through college, I don’t know what got into her…All I know is I don’t want to break up!

But she won’t talk to me!

At this point I imagined a scene from a TV commercial where I would pull this wonderful book out of my bag, tap the young man on the shoulder and say to him “Here’s what you can do…read The Magic of Making up’

But in real life although we’re subjected to listening to someone pour out their intimate problems for everyone close by to listen to and still feel that we have no right to interfere…Too bad!

Tdub’s book ‘The Magic of Making Up’ has an answer to every one of the questions the ‘cellphone young man’ might have…

Do you make these mistakes with your ex?

Do you try to convince her that you are the love of her life’

Do you apologize profusely for everything?

Do you promise to change for good this time?

Do you try to get her to see that it wasn’t really your fault?

Do you even beg with her to take you back?

I’d like to tell him T dub that says with every word he utters, regardless of his intention, the more and more defensive, angry and distant she might become.

Tdub says “know that this is not your fault! You weren’t taught about couple relationship in school… maybe you weren’t taught that by your parents either.

What this young man could learn from TW Jackson’s ‘The Magic of Making Up’ could serve him not only in his present emergency but as a continuing roadmap for him and his girl to have a happy relationship.